Love and Romance: Understanding Their Place in Marriage

Love and Romance: Understanding Their Place in Marriage

Marriage today doesn’t seem to last as long as it should. Many people have misplaced the roles of love and romance, assuming they are the foundation pillars of a successful marriage. But is that really the case?

Love and Romance Do Not Precede Marriage

In modern times, love is often defined by feelings—how someone makes us feel, the butterflies, the excitement, the passion. But emotions are fleeting, and basing a lifelong commitment on them is a fragile strategy that will lead to a tragic experience.

Take a look at Adam. He didn’t get the chance to fall in love or be romantic with Eve before their union. He was given a wife, and from there, love developed. 

Likewise, one of the strongest marriages in the Bible, that of Isaac and Rebecca, was not built on romance but on PURPOSE and CHARACTER.

The Strength of Rebecca

Rebecca wasn’t chosen because she looked good or because she tried to attract attention. Neither was she chosen because she could twerk. She wasn’t validated by society or influenced by peer pressure. Instead, she was defined by her actions—her true strength, her wisdom, and her work ethic.

When Eliezer, Abraham’s servant, found her, she demonstrated remarkable resilience. She voluntarily fetched water for ten camels, each of which, according to Google, can drink up to 200 liters of water (53 gallons). That’s 2,000 liters of water, not including what she drew for Eliezer himself. With a pitcher that held only about 20 liters at a time, she made countless trips.

Her story highlights a key lesson: true compatibility in marriage isn’t about momentary attraction and a blend of good looks — it’s about long-term values you jointly hold together.

Compatibility Is way More Than Feelings

Too often, people enter marriage because they “feel good” around their partner. But you can feel good around many people; that doesn’t mean you should marry them. True compatibility is deeper—it’s about purpose, vision, and shared values.

Rebecca was more than just a kind woman — she was a problem solver. If Isaac ever faced an issue with his irrigation system, he had a wife who knew how to handle water resources. She was a blend of strength, intelligence, and beauty.

Isaac: A Man of Purpose

Isaac wasn’t just any man looking for a wife. He had an identity, a future, and a sense of purpose. He was mentally strong, innovative, and business-minded. He wasn’t just seeking love—he was ready for marriage.

The Real Question

Before desiring marriage, ask yourself:

If my marriage depended solely on my contributions, how would it survive?

Can I lead my family successfully, like the Proverbs 31 woman or Jacob?

Am I building a life that is ready for marriage, or am I just seeking someone to make me feel good?


Love and romance have their place in marriage, but they are not the foundation pillars. Purpose, strength, and vision build lasting unions.

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