"Marriage Isn’t Ready-to-Wear: Why Every Relationship Needs Tailoring"

"Marriage Isn’t Ready-to-Wear: Why Every Relationship Needs Tailoring" 

Let’s talk about marriage. Not the fairy-tale version, but the real one—the one that’s stitched together with PATIENCE, Adjustments, and a lot of TRIAL and ERROR. If you’ve ever ordered a custom outfit from a tailor and ended up with something resembling "shege pro Max” (disaster on steroids), you’ll understand why many of us now opt for ready-to-wear clothing. But here’s the twist: we’ve carried this same mindset into marriage. We want relationships that fit perfectly from day one, no alterations needed. SPOILER ALERT: it doesn’t work that way.  

The Tailor Problem: Why We Settle for “Ready-to-Wear”  
Most of us have been burned by tailors who promised us bespoke perfection but delivered chaos. But since finding that unicorn of a tailor is rare, we’ve switched to pre-made clothes. No measurements, no fittings, no stress.  

This mentality spills into marriage. We crave a “ready-to-use” partnership—someone who aligns perfectly with our ideals, quirks, and lifestyles from the jump. No awkward conversations, no compromises, no adjustments. But here’s the truth: there’s no such thing as a marriage that doesn’t require tailoring adjustments. 

Marriage Alterations: Non-Negotiable and Unavoidable 
Whether your relationship is “homemade” (built over years of friendship) or “ready-to-use” (a whirlwind romance), it will need adjustments. Think of it like a suit or gown: even the most exquisite fabric must be nipped, tucked, and hemmed to fit your unique shape.  

- Timing of adjustment varies wildly: For some couples, major adjustments happen during courtship. For others, it takes 1, 2, 3, to 5 years into marriage. And for a few? The tailoring never stops—it’s a lifelong project.  
- What needs adjusting? Communication styles, conflict resolution, intimacy, financial habits, parenting approaches… the list goes on.  

The goal isn’t to avoid alterations. It’s to accept that they’re part of the process.  

Why “Perfect Fit” is a Myth  
Social media and rom-coms sell us the lie of effortless compatibility. But real marriage is less about finding a “perfect match” and more about committing to grow into one.  

- Courtship isn’t a guarantee: Some think a long time engagement will iron out every wrinkle. Others rush in, only to realize the real work starts after the “I do.”  
- Flexibility is key: The more rigid you are, the more seams will burst. Embrace the discomfort of growth.  

The Takeaway: Keep Your Emotional Sewing Kit Handy
Marriage isn’t a fast-fashion purchase. It’s a custom design—one that evolves with time, effort, and a willingness to re-stitch what unravels. So:  
- Drop the “ready-to-wear” fantasy.  
- Invest in the tailoring process (patience, communication, grace).  
-Celebrate progress, not perfection.  

Whether your adjustments take months or decades, remember: every snip and stitch is proof you’re crafting something that fits your unique story.  

Chew on this.
  
I’m TheCoachRemi, 

I'm here to remind you that even the messiest alterations can create something beautiful.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Tribute to Ibadan's Crown: Long Live the Olubadan!

A Tribute to Ibadan's Crown: Long Live the Olubadan! It is with a heart full of respect and reverence that I join the people of Ibadanland in paying tribute to our revered father, the Olubadan of Ibadanland, His Imperial Majesty, Oba Rashid Adewolu Ladoja. May his reign be long, peaceful, prosperous, and filled with wisdom. Kabiyesi, ki ade pe lori, ki bata pe lese, ki irukere di okini! The ascension of an Olubadan is more than just a coronation; it is a sacred, centuries-old rite—a celebration of history, tradition, and the unique, progressive system that governs our great city. Each Olubadan steps into a lineage that stretches back to the city's founders, a living bridge between the past and a promising future. On Talent, Favour, and The Cap That Fits I have been reflecting recently on the day of the coronation itself, and the choice of the musician for such a momentous occasion. Like many, one might have thought that a towering figure in Nigerian music, perhaps someone in th...
Read more

The Hornbill's Vow: A Lesson in Unwavering Marital Dedication

Image
The Hornbill's Vow: A Lesson in Unwavering Marital Dedication ​Let me share a very subtle joke a man once shared with me some decades ago.  I found it a bit funny, I don't know if you will do so likewise.  The man said, on the day his son was getting married, he sat back and watched his son dancing into the hall with his wife. According to him, it was such a beauty to behold as they both danced excitedly. Suddenly, he said began to wonder if the guy knows what is waiting for him on the other side of that dance. He also said that he pitied his son because, he saw an innocent young man dancing INTO what he's willing to dance OUT of. As I was pondering on this topic, I remembered that joke and thought I should tell it here. Are you even aware that most of the world's best marriages are between certain animals? I learnt most of my marriage definitions from animals like, the Dove family, pigeon, and the hornbills as you'll soon find out. In the vibrant, echoing canopies...
Read more

"The Stone Is Not a Sculpture—But Every Stone Was Once a Sculpture"

"The Stone Is Not a Sculpture—But Every Stone Was Once a Sculpture" This has been my cry lately. I will give it voice in every way I can. As believers in God, what would we say are the extra advantages we have from having The Holy Spirit, the mind of Christ, and the wisdom of God? When you consider that we often go on very long fast, the question would be, how valuable are all these if all they give to us are things that other people can get without these advantages? We must begin to reposition the generation of our children for a better use of all the gifts we have from God. There’s a quiet arrogance in believing we “find” ourselves by accident. We don't stumble upon our purpose like loose change on a sidewalk. No — we carve it, chisel it, labor over it. Much like Michelangelo once said of his David, "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free." So too must we carve away at ourselves. Because here's the truth: a stone is not a sculpture, ...
Read more